The Lighter Side

Speed reading

I took a course in speed reading, learning to read straight down the middle of the page, and was able to go through War and Peace in 20 minutes. It's about Russia. Woody Allen

Language

A professor was discussing how grammar varied across the world's languages. 'Whilst in some languages a double negative gives a positive, and in other languages a double negative expresses a negative, there are no known languages in which a double positive results in a negative.' From the back of the lecture theater in tones of heavy sarcasm was heard: 'Yeah, yeah.' Unknown

Full of shit

Steve Jobs had managed to get Don Knuth, the legendary Stanford professor of computer science, to give a lunchtime lecture to the Mac team. Knuth is the author of at least a dozen books, including the massive and somewhat impenetrable trilogy "The Art of Computer Programming." I was sitting in Steve's office when Lynn Takahashi, Steve's assistant, announced Knuth's arrival. Steve bounced out of his chair, bounded over to the door and extended a welcoming hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Professor Knuth," Steve said. "I've read all of your books." "You're full of shit," Knuth responded.

Efficient markets

"Isn't that a $10 bill lying on the ground?" asks the student.

"No, it can't be a $10 bill," answers the professor. "If it were, someone would have picked it up by now."

The professor walks away, and the student picks it up and has a beer.

College majors

A university student majoring in accounting often asks, "What's the cost of that product?"

A student majoring in engineering often asks, "How does that machine work?"

A student majoring in computer science asks, "What is the runtime complexity of that algorith?"

What do students majoring in art history ask?

"You want fries with that?"

2023-01